Bittersweet Blessings

I sit down to write this, feeling somewhat twisted inside. Feeling the need to share what kind of man my father was, but unable to put into words what he meant to me. My dad passed away 4 years ago on July 15th, due to a brain aneurysm, he was 55. It was very sudden and left us all reeling for quite a while. Fathers day always hits me by surprise. I know that sounds strange, but I spend the weeks leading up to it working & planning to make sure we honor Tom properly. He is such an amazing dad, husband, provider, helpmate, and we are so blessed that God has chosen him for us. It's not until the actual day, when Tom calls to wish his wonderful dad a Happy Fathers Day, that it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. My dad... what can I say....How incredibly blessed I am to have been raised by such a man as David Mainard. He served God without limits. He was absolutely the most humble man I have ever known. Definitely not a saint, but knew how to treat life with an incredible amount of balance. He was authentic, so real... almost to a fault. One of my fondest memories of my dad, that is telling of who he was, is a message he left on my answering machine. My dad was working as a chaplain at an assisted living facility, and this required him to wear a collar so he was easily identified as clergy. He called, and left this message: "Dammit, Angela your not home... Oh s%$#@, I just said dammit in my Holy Shirt" Like I said... not a saint, but an incredible man. He did not worry as to whether or not we liked him, but that he was doing what was right for us and for our futures. He told my sister once, "I was not put here to be your friend, anyone can be your friend. I am the only person who can be your father". Going to church in our house was not an option. One of the rules was, as long as you live in this house, you will attend church. He gave us the freedom to choose which church we wanted to attend, but made sure we were being fed spiritually. Now, having my own children, I fully understand this rule. I leaned on him tremendously anytime I had a question about a scripture I was reading or the meaning of something spiritual. My heart aches when I think that my children will never know him. All I can do is tell them about him as often as I think of him. I feel it is my obligation to my children, to keep his memory alive. I am blessed and honored to have had a man that was such an incredible father... and to be married to a man that is such an incredible father. God has blessed me above and beyond what I could think or ask. He is good!!!