Today's the day

So we are awake. Getting things around to take our little man off to have his surgery. I don't know what it is about being a mother... but I just want to take his place. I don't want him to have to go through this, or anything else that might hurt him. But I know that for him to get better, he has to do this for himself. I can't walk this for him. It makes me think about the rest of his life. We don't want our children to face the battles that we have faced, we try our hardest to protect them from that. I have a dear friend who told me once, we don't get to choose the things our children must go through to become the person that God has called them to be. Ok, so a little off the beaten path from taking your baby in for surgery, but it has just made me acutely aware of how little control I have. There is a quote that I have heard that is very appropriate as to how I am feeling today: "Being a mother is like having your heart walk around on the outside of your body for the rest of your life." Peyton and Lily truly are my heart. I would do anything I could to protect them... including taking them in for surgery....

Bittersweet Blessings

I sit down to write this, feeling somewhat twisted inside. Feeling the need to share what kind of man my father was, but unable to put into words what he meant to me. My dad passed away 4 years ago on July 15th, due to a brain aneurysm, he was 55. It was very sudden and left us all reeling for quite a while. Fathers day always hits me by surprise. I know that sounds strange, but I spend the weeks leading up to it working & planning to make sure we honor Tom properly. He is such an amazing dad, husband, provider, helpmate, and we are so blessed that God has chosen him for us. It's not until the actual day, when Tom calls to wish his wonderful dad a Happy Fathers Day, that it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. My dad... what can I say....How incredibly blessed I am to have been raised by such a man as David Mainard. He served God without limits. He was absolutely the most humble man I have ever known. Definitely not a saint, but knew how to treat life with an incredible amount of balance. He was authentic, so real... almost to a fault. One of my fondest memories of my dad, that is telling of who he was, is a message he left on my answering machine. My dad was working as a chaplain at an assisted living facility, and this required him to wear a collar so he was easily identified as clergy. He called, and left this message: "Dammit, Angela your not home... Oh s%$#@, I just said dammit in my Holy Shirt" Like I said... not a saint, but an incredible man. He did not worry as to whether or not we liked him, but that he was doing what was right for us and for our futures. He told my sister once, "I was not put here to be your friend, anyone can be your friend. I am the only person who can be your father". Going to church in our house was not an option. One of the rules was, as long as you live in this house, you will attend church. He gave us the freedom to choose which church we wanted to attend, but made sure we were being fed spiritually. Now, having my own children, I fully understand this rule. I leaned on him tremendously anytime I had a question about a scripture I was reading or the meaning of something spiritual. My heart aches when I think that my children will never know him. All I can do is tell them about him as often as I think of him. I feel it is my obligation to my children, to keep his memory alive. I am blessed and honored to have had a man that was such an incredible father... and to be married to a man that is such an incredible father. God has blessed me above and beyond what I could think or ask. He is good!!!

Change

Yesterday, while sitting in church, I started writing from deep within myself. I felt my heart crying out to God for change. This was the results of that...
God is stirring inside of me. I must respond to it. I need His peace in my life. I need to actively pursue Him again. I have become so wrapped up in my daily routine. I have sat stagnant too long. I have to do this for me, my family, my children. I am the only hope they have to know Him. He has amazing things in store for us, but we must live a life that honors him. I have so many shortcomings and have allowed them to paralyze me. I can't sit and watch it all pass by me anymore. I find myself envious of others relationship with Christ, sitting and wishing I was so in tune and connected. I know I can have that in my life, that is what He longs for, but I must be active in making it happen. If I want to have a passionate relationship with Christ, I must chase after it. If I want my family to be passionate for Christ, I have to live that in front of them. I do not want them to see me as a fraud. The thought of that breaks my heart. I want to live a life that will inspire them. I want my husband and children to be proud of the person that I am. I want to live a life that is a true reflection of Christ. I need strength, endurance, willpower and drive. God, please help me respond to whatever it might be you are calling me to do. Help me to lay down the things of this world and focus completely on You. Help me to not get wrapped up in the day in, day out routine. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE AN IN EFFECTIVE LIFE! Help me be effective for your plan, your purpose, your will. Amen.

Six Months Late

My new years resolution was to begin a blog. I forget things so easily and want to cherish every day, every moment, every memory I have with my family. With 2 little ones, funny things are said daily. For instance today, Lily and I were going to a dear friends baby shower. As we were leaving, Peyton said "I want to go to the baby shower too!" I told him this was just for girls. He the proceeded to tell me "If you will let me go, I will not take a shower, I will just play with the baby." I think this will be a great way for me to capture those moments, to look back and reminice. Also, our friends and family can keep up with us here. I pray you enjoy this and it blesses you as much as I know it will me! :)